I have had two abortions, one at 17 and one at 21. The first was the result of one of the first five times I ever had sex. We used condoms every time and my mother had already helped me get hormonal birth control from a local clinic; I was waiting for my period to start so I could begin taking them. Just a few months before discovering I was pregnant, I had a conversation with my mom about my thoughts on abortion - namely that while I would never want the government to take away a woman’s right to have one, I didn’t think I could ever personally have one. She brought up that conversation when we both tearfully found my pregnancy test results to be positive and I more or less immediately said I wanted an abortion. 

Something changed in my mind the moment I was faced with the actual real life decision - I naively thought unwanted pregnancies were something that happened to the irresponsible and careless. Knowing that I had been both responsible and careful, I was shocked that I was pregnant and knew immediately the boy I was with at the time was an imbecile who I never wanted to marry or procreate with. I never questioned my decision and still feel 100% it was the right decision for me. 

My second abortion occurred  when I was taking antibiotics while on hormonal birth control. When I first discovered I was pregnant - in a Planned Parenthood clinic - I broke down into tears; I couldn’t believe this was happening to me again. I knew I wasn’t ready to be a mother, I knew my boyfriend wasn’t ready to be a father. I wanted children, just not then. I was barely able to cover my very small portion of the rent in a house I shared with friends, even though I was working 45 hours a week. My boyfriend had to get a second job just so we could afford the abortion. 

 While I’m at it, I just want to say how grateful I was to have Planned Parenthood the second time around. I was living far away from my family and had no real close friends to go to other than my boyfriend. The nurse who gave me my pregnancy results held my hand while I broke down in tears. She told me the PP’s in that area didn’t provide prenatal or abortion services but that they would help me get in touch with whichever I wanted. She stayed with me until my boyfriend came to pick me up from my appointment and gave me an information sheet with numbers and addresses of (I think, it’s been a while) even numbers of abortion providers and adoption facilitators/prenatal care providers. After the abortion they provided me with several years of shame free, affordable, unbiased health care. 

I have never once regretted either abortion, not even for a second. I feel no guilt, lose no sleep, and seldom give it more than a passing thought. When I DO think about it, it’s to reflect on how right that decision was for my life. I am now with the man I intend to have children with. If we do have an accidental pregnancy, we won’t hesitate to go through with it. I am ready now, both physically and mentally, and I’m so glad I wasn’t forced to give birth when I was neither.

When I was a teenager I was in an abusive relationship with a guy who drank way too much. Fortunately for him I had a turbulent home life, and low self-esteem so I forgave more than I should have, and feared loneliness more than death. I got pregnant and woke the hell up.

My options were..

1. Keep the baby and be stuck with him for the rest of my life. He would probably end up killing me or going to jail for attempting to.

2. I could carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption. I would probably sink into a deeper depression and punish myself for being a shitty mom and stay with him until he killed me or went to jail for attempting to.

3. I could be a single mom, with a crazy ass ex boyfriend who would stalk me to no end and make our lives hell. He’d eventually break in our home and kill me, or go to jail for attempting to. 

4.Get an abortion and fucking run.

I regret nothing. 

kiokushitaka asked: I personally have not had an abortion as I've never gotten pregnant (thanks to contraceptives, which I also do not regret using). My story is about my mom. She had an ectopic pregnancy that caused one of her fallopian tubes to rupture which led to serious internal bleeding. Her abortion was a necessity (and besides, the baby was going to die anyway) to save her life. I'm grateful abortions are legal because if they weren't my mom would be dead right now.

“I had an abortion when I was 20, after a condom broke and Plan B failed. It was the definition of a freak accident. I was fresh out of rehab for a life-threatening drug addiction and trying to put my life back together, so a baby was out of the question. For the final 2.5 weeks of my eight week pregnancy, I was so physically ill I could hardly keep anything down but milkshakes. After the procedure, I was so relieved to have my appetite back that my family and I went out to dinner to celebrate. It was one of the easiest decisions I have ever made in my life, and the termination itself was a breeze. I have zero regrets and zero emotional torment over it. Now, I’m completely healthy, drug-free, and at the top of my class. I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t had my abortion. It was one of the best things I ever did.”

“When I was eighteen I finally managed to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship. This was a guy who almost seemed to make a game out of making me feel like a worthless piece of shit. He played mine games and emotionally manipulated me into thinking that I needed him, that no one else could ever love me. 

Three weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to do. I was paralyzed with fear. I come from a religious community that would have shunned me, even if I married the father (something I knew I couldn’t do). I always wanted to be a mom but at eighteen I was too immature and just not emotionally ready to be a parent. I agonized over the decision. Abortion was something I supported, but I always thought it was for other people. I wasn’t the type to get an abortion. Then again, I hadn’t thought I was the type to get pregnant at eighteen either. 

In the end, I chose to have an abortion. It does make me sad to think about it. Not because I regret having an abortion- I regret ever being in that situation in the first place. But still, it’s something I keep private. None of my friends or family knows about it. I’m not ashamed of it, but I don’t want to give anyone the chance to try and change that.”

“I once was pregnant, used condoms and the pill and yet it still somehow happened. I was more sick and terrified by the idea that I’d be bringing up a child in abhorrent conditions & not being able to give him or her as many opportunities as I had than of not bring the foetus to term. It’s a scary thought, true, but a cluster of cells isn’t a baby. I’m glad that I’m not bringing life into this world to suffer - it’d be better for the child if I waited.”

“When I was 22, I got pregnant. I have always been pro choice, but since I had been on BC for 7 years, I never thought I would be faced with making that choice, but my BC failed. My boyfriend and I are both students, and at the time he was living off financial aid and I was working part time as a hotel desk clerk.

“Neither of us want to have children. My own conception was accidental, and I was raised by my grandparents because my mom didn’t actually want a child. My boyfriend was adopted. So this is an issue that’s close to our hearts. We knew abortion was the best option. Being pregnant and having the abortion at 5 weeks were physically difficult experiences, but never mentally difficult. I’m so grateful that I had safe and legal access to abortion. I have no regrets.”

“I’m a little bit late jumping on the train here, but I had an abortion in early September. It physically hurt and drained me and I cried. Part of me wishes I had the means financially, emotionally, and mentally to have the child, but I know that I’m not ready. If I hadn’t I’d be 7 months pregnant right now. I don’t regret it, at all. A part of me is sad, but I’ll never regret my decision. So for me it goes both ways.”

soambitchous asked: My story is pretty short. I had an ectopic pregnancy (meaning the fetus implanted outside of my womb) which could have lead to my death, the baby's death, or both, so I decided to have an abortion. Simply put, I'm glad that I had the option/the ability to choose. I wasn't thrilled about it. I probably wouldn't, under normal circumstances, have an abortion, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be a safe and legal procedure for women who want the option.

I want to share my story because its often a perspective that gets ignored in this conversation. While I understand and support the idea that abortion does not cause emotional turmoil, I also experienced a lot of emotional turmoil surrounding my abortion. But there’s definitely some clarification that needs to be made about that.

For one, sadness =/= regret. I have never, not even for a second, ever regretted my abortion. It was clearly the right choice for me and it saved me from a fate which I don’t believe I would’ve survived. I am so eternally grateful that I had access to a safe, legal abortion and I will forever fight for that right to stay in existence. My abortion saved my life and I would do the same thing if I had to do it over again. I felt relieved after my abortion.

But I also felt sad. I felt sadness, pain, guilt, fear… I withdrew into a deep depression, I kept my abortion a secret, I suffered alone… But this is what needs to be made clear: I was not sad because of the abortion! The abortion did not cause this! The termination of the fetus did not cause this!

Being told by hundreds of people for years that I am selfish, irresponsible, I murdered my child, I’m “not unpregnant, just a mother of a dead baby,” that I’m going to Hell, that I’m a sinner, that I’m wrong and immoral and a slut and I should’ve kept my legs closed… After all the shame that pro-lifers placed on me, all the pain they caused with their hurtful and malicious words, all in the name of “caring”…… THAT is what made my abortion hell for me. Having to keep it a secret because I didn’t know who would hate me because of my abortion, THAT is what made it hell for me. Keeping it quiet because I was afraid someone might *physically harm* me for having an abortion, THAT was what made it hell for me. Hearing people continually judge me and say terrible things to/about me and people in my situation, THAT is what damaged me.

The abortion did not hurt me. People did.

That’s the big flaw in the “abortion is emotional hell” argument. It’s easy to blame abortion for the emotional pain that SOME (a very small amount!) of people experience, but if you actually talk to people who have abortions and listen to what they say, instead of judging and making assumptions and saying hurtful things to/about them, you discover that their pain isn’t usually brought on by the procedure. It’s brought on by the way other people have shamed them because they had that procedure.

I never regretted my abortion, but I surely was made to feel pretty badly about myself for it for a little while. The good news is that I have grown thicker skin and am no longer affected by these things, and I have a MUCH healthier outlook on myself and the abortion now. I no longer allow myself to be shamed. I had an abortion and I AM NOT SORRY!

I was 22 years old and had just finished college. My boyfriend at the time was a really sweet guy, but I wasn’t sure where our future was headed. I had just moved back in with my parents.

Because of some genetic issues, I don’t take birth control pills because a constant level of hormones isn’t good for my blood. (Same disorder can potentially make pregnancy dangerous) I am also allergic to latex. This can make your birth control options pretty limited and unreliable.

We had a polyurethane condom break. I got a prescription for Plan B within 72 hours, but it didn’t work. Or perhaps there was another birth control mishap around that time that went unnoticed by us. Either way, I totally got pregnant. 

At first I freaked out because my boyfriend’s family is Catholic. Immediately visions of being pressured to carry this baby flooded my brain. I was terrified how he would react.

To his credit, though he definitely harbored Catholic conditioning on the matter, he said it was my body, my choice. He did make one impassioned plea that he could, indeed, raise a child. Did I mention he was also 2 years younger than me?

Here’s the other thing: before I had always been the kind of liberal, pro-choice girl who assumed that if an unplanned pregnancy should ever happen to me, I would totally keep it, because babies are cute! Well, once I looked at that pregnancy stick turn positive, all that nonsense vanished.

Here I was, fresh out of college, working part time at a grocery store, dating someone awesome but not someone I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. For me, there was no other choice but abortion.

I know what it is like to be the product of an unplanned pregnancy. There was no way that I could put someone else through that kind of stress. 

Luckily, there were no protesters outside the clinic I went to, and I knew some friends who had been down the same road who comforted me and walked me through the details. Since, I’ve been able to provide the same service for others. It’s a nerve-racking situation, and being able to talk about it helps.

The women who worked at the clinic were wonderful. They listened to me and told me that in my specific situation it’s a bit harder to practice reliable birth control, but that there were options. They recommended the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility,” and it has been my bible ever since. 

I don’t regret my abortion, and I am so thankful that I had the option. I have never had a crushing wave of guilt, or even a nightmare, over my abortion. And no one else I know who’s had one regrets it either. 

All that bothers me is worrying that I will be judged or threatened by zealots if I just tell the truth about my experience and did what was best for me. 

dancingnakedaroundthefire asked: I haven't seen many male viewpoints on abortion, So here is mine, in September of 2010 My girlfriend at the time discovered she was Pregnant, I had just begun college, and She was working to get into her Art school of choice. We talked about it at great lengths and decided that Abortion was our best option. I have never regretted that decision, she either, neither of us were prepared for a child and we both needed to get our lives together first.

“I had a miscarriage 3 days before my abortion appointment. Having a baby at a time when I was half way through grad school and when I was just starting to get my life together would have been a disaster. The only thing I regret was that the nurses at my clinic were nicer to me when I was miscarrying than when I was trying to get a referral for an elective abortion. Those bitches can eat a bag of dicks. Thank god PP is in-network for me.”

“In college I got pregnant by a guy who had recently broken up with me. I knew I was completely unprepared not only to have a child but just to even go through a pregnancy. I never had any other thought or idea about what to do - I was getting an abortion, period. I was lucky enough to have a generous roommate with a credit card who covered the balance until the guy could get the money to pay her back (also something many women seeking abortions don’t have, financial assistance from the person that impregnated them). I’m pretty sure the guy was nothing but relieved about my decision; however, I never discussed it with him. My body, my decision. My roommate also took me to the clinic 45 minutes away and brought me home when it was done. I am forever grateful for her help. The thing is, though, that for a long time I thought something was emotionally wrong with me. I never had one moment of regret, or questioning the choice I had made, or feeling like I took a life. I never felt sadness, only relief. In fact, I briefly wondered why I wasn’t spending more time reflecting on it and mourning the loss. The reality was once the procedure was done (like having a tooth pulled) that was it, and I could never convince myself to feel bad about it.

“In 2005 I got pregnant again. I gave birth to my beautiful daughter because I decided the time was right. In 2008, I gave birth to my angel of a son. We have a beautiful life filled with ups and downs and love and happiness and normal stress. Because I had the ability to decide what was right for me in college I am now able to be the best mom I can.

“I no longer feel that I was lacking an emotional reaction to my abortion in college. There still has never been a shadow of regret or sadness about my decision, and I’m grateful that I don’t have to live with an emotional burden that someone else imposed on me.”

“Several years ago, when I was a freshman in college, I became pregnant by my first ever boyfriend. We had used birth control—condoms, at the time—and I was shocked. I found out when I was about 4 weeks along because I could not stop vomiting. It was so bad I missed a week of class and had to be hospitalized because I had not been able to keep even a sip of water down. At 19 years old I knew that I was not ready to be a parent nor was I willing to sacrifice my life goals to go through with a very traumatic pregnancy. It was a total no-brainer to have an abortion and to this day I am glad I did it. I have a wonderful, loving husband and a beautiful daughter who I am 100% certain would not exist if I had not had an abortion all those years ago. I have never felt the slightest regret for my choice which is why I will fight to the death to make sure my daughter—and every woman—will have the right to make the choice that is right for them.”