STFU, Conservatives








Hey, American uterus owners: want to be completely put off by the idea of ever procreating? Then read this expose in the NY Post about how many women have gotten screwed by our country’s Stone Age maternity leave policies.

In Canada, you get 50 weeks of paid maternity leave. In England, you get 20 weeks paid. In Mexico, 12 paid. As a matter of fact, 178 countries around the world mandate paid leave for creating a totally new human. In America? Twelve weeks, unpaid, and only if you’ve worked for the company for at least a year, and only if your company has more than 50 employees. And they *technically* have to give you your job back, but as this article proves, your employer can probably find a way around that.

So hey, pro-lifers: where are your voices on this? Where are your rallies and signs to support new moms, instead of expecting ones? Where is there a single pro-life legislator fighting to make it easier to have a baby and keep your job? Where are the “family values” politicians when it comes to actually having a child and raising it?

Going through this right now. Why can’t I have a baby AND a job?


Sorry. This pro-lifer is too busy caring about the murder of babies to spend time getting you free money for not working. Its funny how the same people who grouse about men making more or getting promoted sooner have no issues with giving a woman a very long, extended paid vacation after birth but you don’t hear them campaigning for the fathers to have those same benefits. 

Hey guys, check it out: pro-lifers want to force you to have a baby, but begrudge you an “extended paid vacation” and “free money for not working” to take care of it.

Like, this is so fucking ridiculous I cannot even. Babies are being murdered and daddies aren’t getting paid time off, you guys, so mothers shouldn’t get a free vacation!!!11

PRO-LIFERS DO NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU. THEY ONLY CARE THAT YOU ARE FORCED TO CARRY A FETUS TO TERM. After you leave the hospital, they don’t give two shits about the quality of your life OR the baby’s. I hope everyone realizes that by now.

Hey, pro-birth person. Because that’s what you all do - get that baby born somehow, someway, no matter if you have to use coercion and misinformation, no matter if you’re treating the woman like a uterus and not a real, full person. And when that baby is born and the mom is poor and needs help (which is why she came to you in the first place), TOO FREAKING BAD. “We don’t help with that!” You find out the help they promised you is gone with the wind, and then they paint you as evil because *gasp*! SHE USES WELFARE. Or, they promise you an open adoption, and the MINUTE your week where they let you change your mind is over, a steel wall just slams down.

Been there, honey, done that, on the “pregnancy crisis centers”. And seen it and had to put a friend back together on the adoption thing.

I think you don’t understand a damn thing about why we have maternity leave and why it’s necessary. For starters, the MINIMUM of time that it takes the female body to minimally heal after giving “normal” birth is six weeks. Even then, you’re not sleeping, in pain, are a liability on the road, and you and your baby are JUST starting to figure out “this parent stuff”. 

If you went through a c-section, which people seem to like to ignore is major abdominal surgery, you need even MORE time to heal.

Then there’s breastfeeding. You get to feed your child in the way you want, but after 6 weeks? HA. I don’t think so. Companies HATE that and will use the letter of the law to make it impossible for you to either run home/to daycare and feed the baby. This forces you to pump, which is even harder, because your 6 week old baby is now totally confused between where you are and what the bottle is. And don’t even try to work out a good pumping spot with your boss, because you WILL end up doing it in a bathroom stall or, at best, in your car with a blanket draped over you, while the people who go for smoke breaks every hour sit there and yell about “not fair”. So when you put your baby on formula, then you get to be the La Leche League’s supervillain.

Been there, done that too.

Then… did I mention the highway robbery that is childcare? We are so profoundly screwed up that working at Target for $7 an hour (after the actual corporation you worked for fires you for pumping and you can’t get anything else) means to the government that you are MAKING TOO MUCH and therefore do not require any assistance. You people think that every welfare recipient is sitting there with YOUR money, laughing about it while they take a bath of welfare checks and then go on vacation to Cancun. THIS IS NOT THE REALITY. The reality is that getting the help you need to feed you and your baby is harder to get then getting Romney to admit to all the times he’s lied.

Also, been there, done that.

And you feel terrible. You’re not only fully healed after only six weeks, but you’re still at the mercy of your hormones. Dropping your baby off at a daycare when they’re all of 6 weeks old is a terrible rip in your relationship for BOTH of you. You feel like you’re the worst parent in the world. The first time I dropped my daughter off, it looked nice and clean, but I saw a crawling baby put a worm that had managed to find its way in without notice in her mouth. And I’m talking about a place that was supposed to be “the best”, the place that I scraped every penny and lived on Ramen to get her in to. If I’d called in and said I was going to be late on my first day, they’d have fired me then. So I spent the whole way to work sobbing, and got there trying to look like I hadn’t.

So, why should we get with the rest of the world in this? Happier, healthier families. A time to heal. Time to figure you and your baby out, no matter if it’s a biological or adoptive situation. Less people driving around dead tired, being dangerous to those around them. Less moms feeling torn apart and convinced that they’re the worst mothers in the world because they had to put their tiny, helpless baby into the hands of people they don’t know and gamble that everything is okay. Less women who are lied to and then dropped by “crisis centers”. Dads getting to stay home for a bit too, to help out with everything. They deserve to get time with their babies just as much as women do.

Listen up, idiot: IT IS NOT A VACATION. Not in any way, shape or form. Those measly 6 weeks are you, in pain, trying to communicate with and navigate a relationship with a totally new human being who is dependent on you in every way, but who does everything either the very opposite of what you do or gets sick at the worst time. You spend those weeks covered in things you never thought you’d be, delirious from lack of sleep, often with nobody to help you, unable to clean the house like you did before, unable to take decent, daily showers no matter how you rig it, having to take 5-minute naps when the baby decides to nap, having to learn to shovel food in FAST when you’re hungry because that’s about the time the baby gets cranky, and the cherry on top of this shit cake? When you go back to work still raw from all of this and find out that you’ve either been fired (employers HATE moms; I’ve heard one gripe about “breeders”) or you are forced to take a lesser position. And THAT’S if your company fits all the rules of FMLA.

Don’t. You. DARE. Say “Maybe you should’ve thought about it before you had that baby, then”, because no matter how wanted the child is, THIS STILL HAPPENS. And right now, you’re talking to someone who was raped and then coerced to have the baby, by “pro-birth” people like you. 

So SHUT THE FUCK UP, because you have NO idea what you’re talking about. Until you’ve been a 19 year old forced to be a single mother, or even a pregnant woman and her partner trying to figure out how they’re going to live without her income for six weeks and the only thing they can think of is to leave the baby with their 80 year old grandmother who can barely see, let alone take care of a newborn, while mom has to go back to work after ONE WEEK…

THEN you can talk. For now, you can get the hell off your high horse and actually DO something about the deplorable conditions moms face here. 

Giving birth = HUGE thing, physiologically, mentally, and emotionally for everyone, including the baby. Not having to worry about how you’re going to feed that child because you have benefits, and knowing that your boss HAS to take you back = happier families and workers. Happier families and workers = better-off individuals. Happier individuals = better societies. Better societies = WE ALL WIN.

Now do you get it, miss pro-birth, or do I need to chop this into smaller words?



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    The Maternity Leave Myth
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