HAHA I GUESS I’M NOT DONE GETTING APOLOGISTS IN MY ASKBOX!

Ah, Freedom of Speech. A tenet of American democracy. A principle as noble and respectable today as it was in 1776. And even more importantly, every dudebro’s excuse for saying whatever the fuck they want without being criticized.

Dearest readers: do you know what the First Amendment says?

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

So, a couple things. One: Freedom of speech isn’t freedom from criticism. Criticizing what someone says isn’t a violation of their freedom of speech. Nobody has the right to say something and hear nothing in response. You have a right to say something, I have the right to say you’re an asshole. Freedom of speech applies to critics.

Two: Freedom of Speech only applies to LAWS. I’ve seen petitions circulating to take various people off the air (Tosh, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, etc). These are not a violation of their Freedom of Speech, because we, a non-government entity, are asking their broadcasting company, also a non-government entity, to stop doing something. It would be a violation if Congress passed a law that said Tosh could never speak in public again. It is NOT a violation to ask a private enterprise to take someone off the air. Unless someone’s trying to get a law passed against you, your freedom of speech is intact.

Three: REALLY? REALLY? When someone tells me they’re passionate about Freedom of Speech, I think, “Great! Gosh, there are so many important Freedom of Speech issues in our country today. Our media ignores and erases women and people of color. Protesters are being silenced by police. And that story just broke this week about how newspapers are allowing politicians to edit their own quotes before a story gets published about them. Appalling.”

But no, no, the person explains; they’re passionate about freedom of speech for dudes on the teevee saying ignorant stuff.

If you care about freedom of speech only insofar as it might hurt someone’s ability to say something shitty on TV, YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT FREEDOM OF SPEECH IS AND I PROBABLY HATE YOU.